The Power of the Tongue

The tongue, writes James in his epistle, is a small but immensely powerful part of the body. In James 3:5-6 (ESV), he compares it to a tiny spark that can set a great forest ablaze, warning us of its capacity for destruction. Words, like a match, can be used to start something good, such as a fire for warmth or cooking. But they can also set a forest ablaze, destroying everything in their path. 

James also describes our tongues as a tiny rudder that can guide a giant ship. A rudder in the hands of a skilled sailor can guide a ship to safety, but in the wrong hands, it can shipwreck lives. Similarly, our words can build people up or tear them down. They have the power to steer hearts toward peace and safety or to wreck them with pain and confusion.

The Immense Power of Words

We don’t need much convincing of the power of words. We know this to be true from history. Consider some of the most famous speeches that have shaped nations and inspired movements:

• “We hold these truths to be self-evident…” (The Declaration of Independence)
• “Four score and seven years ago…” (Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address)
• “I have a dream…” (Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.)

These words resonate through history because of their power to shape lives and societies. 

The same is true on a personal level. Think of a time when words wounded you personally. It might have been a cutting remark, a derogatory statement, or something belittling. We all have such memories because hurtful words leave deep marks, sometimes for years.

On the other hand, we can also recall moments when words brought healing and encouragement. A simple word of kindness, a message of hope, or an affirmation can uplift us in ways that linger. 

Words and the Brain

Research shows that the brain processes words much like physical sensations. Hurtful words activate regions of the brain similarly to physical pain. Verbal rejection, humiliation, or criticism can feel like a punch to the gut, and prolonged negative self-talk can be like repeatedly punching yourself. In 2000, researchers found that social rejection triggered neural responses similar to physical pain. Another study in 2011 showed that negative self-relevant feedback, often conveyed through harsh words, activates brain regions associated with pain.

Likewise, positive words activate brain regions associated with rewards. Words of encouragement and emotional support release chemicals like oxytocin, which reduces stress and enhances our sense of well-being. Kind words, like physical affection, foster emotional healing.

The Words of Jesus

In the Gospels, we see the profound power of words in the life of Jesus. John 1:17 (ESV) tells us, “For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.” Every word Jesus spoke was full of both grace and truth.

Think of the tender words He spoke to people in need:

• To the woman caught in adultery: “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more” (John 8:11, ESV).
• To the paralytic: “Take heart, my son; your sins are forgiven” (Matthew 9:2, ESV).
• To the thief on the cross: “Truly, I say to you, today you will be with me in Paradise” (Luke 23:43, ESV).
• Regarding those crucifying Him: “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34, ESV).

Even when Jesus was harsh, it was always to redirect, correct, and ultimately save. His rebuke to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan!” (Matthew 16:23, ESV), or His pointed questions like, “Are you still so dull?” (Matthew 15:16, ESV) were spoken out of love. Every word Jesus spoke was intended to heal, redeem, and bring life.

What About Your Words?

What words are you speaking into the lives of those around you? Are they both gracious and truthful? Jesus always balanced the two. Truth without grace can crush people. Remember that when you feel like you just need to speak the truth to someone, you are only seeing the truth from your perspective. 

Grace without truth, on the other hand, avoids the hard conversations that lead to growth and healing. Grace without truth is often an attempt to avoid conflict or protect oneself.

We grow by speaking the truth in love. But this is not always easy. As James 3:2 (ESV) says, “For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body.” Controlling the tongue is no small feat!

The BOCA Process: Breathe, Observe, Consider, Answer

So how do we control our speech? It's not enough to simply "think before you speak," because our thoughts themselves may be driven by negative emotions or misunderstandings. A more practical and Christ-like way to respond is to use the BOCA process: Breathe, Observe, Consider, Answer.

1. Breathe

The first step is simply to pause. Take a moment before responding. Proverbs 29:11 (ESV) tells us, “A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.” Pausing helps you move beyond your initial, often reactive, impulse and gives you space to decide what kind of response aligns with your values.

2. Observe

Next, observe the situation and the emotions involved. (Note: You are still not thinking, just taking in the situation.) What’s going on inside you? Are you hungry, angry, lonely, or tired (HALT)? Are you hurt, afraid, or frustrated? What’s going on with the other person? What words and emotions are already part of this conversation? Proverbs 18:15 (ESV) says, “The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge, for the ears of the wise seek it out.” Observing helps ensure you understand before you speak.

3. Consider

Once you’ve observed, consider your response. You’ve breathed and observed. Now think about how respond. Proverbs 15:28 (ESV) says, “The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things.” Consider how you can speak both grace and truth, encouraging others while being honest. The truth may need to wait a while for the sake of compassion.

Consider what kind of person you want to be and what kind of energy you want to bring into the world. Before you speak, consider if you would speak that way if your parents, your siblings, your spouse, or your children were in the room.

Also consider your words in light of the fact that Jesus is in the room and the person to whom you are speaking is a person that Jesus dearly loves.

4. Answer

Finally, answer with a thoughtful, Christ-like response. Proverbs 15:1 (ESV) teaches, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Your words have the power to bring healing, encouragement, and peace.

James 3:9-10 (ESV) reminds regarding our tongue: “With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so.” BOCA — Breathe, Observe, Consider, Answer. You and the world will be better for it. Let us strive to use our words as Christ did—full of grace and truth—bringing life, healing, and peace into the world.