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Go and Be Reconciled - Week 4 in Reconciling Conflict God's Way
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Conflict is inevitable, but how we handle it makes all the difference. Some people want to let it go, let it scab over, and move on. Others want to fight the fight, win the battle, beat down the opposition, and come out victorious regardless of the consequences for the relationship. But seeking victory is not reconciliation any more than avoiding conflict is. Reconciling relationships is not always easy or pleasant but, as followers of Jesus, it is not optional.
When people tell Tom Cruise to be careful doing the outrageous stunts he performs in his Mission Impossible movies, he replies, "Don’t be careful. Be competent." As Christians, we are called to be competent in reconciliation, not merely careful to avoid discomfort. We want to be like Jesus — to get back to people, not get back at them. The Holy Spirit, through the Word, conditions us to be able to do this as followers of Jesus.
The Four G’s of Reconciliation
The process of reconciliation can be as formal or as informal as necessary. For a small offense in a good relationship – an offense that is too big to overlook – very little preparation will be required. But for large or long-standing offenses, a wise person will take serious time to get ready to wade into the process of reconciling God’s way.
Preparation – Self-check on Three Relationships/Attitudes
Reconciliation requires careful preparation, beginning with self-examination. The first three G’s guide us through that preparation.
- Relationship with God (Glorify God): Every conflict is an opportunity to glorify God. Make this your goal because you can’t control the other person. Trust that God is at work.
- Relationship with Myself (Get the Log Out): Am I ready to acknowledge my part in the conflict without blaming, minimizing, or deflecting?
- Relationship with the Other Party (Gently Restore): Am I ready to approach the other party in a spirit of gentleness, seeking restoration of our relationship rather than coming out ahead in the conflict?
Action – Go and Be Reconciled– Today
Now we are on the 4th G. We’ve done good spiritual work to get here. This is where the rubber meets the road. Set up that meeting. Make that phone call. Write that letter.
Today: Step 4 – Go and Be Reconciled
A question for you: If you are mediating a conflict between two people, would you say that the healthier, more mature person is kind of obligated to make the first move? Of course you would.
Now a follow-up question: In any conflict you are in, who is the healthier, more mature person? You, right?!? (Bwahaha – you fell right into my trap!)
1) Forgive as God Forgave You — Unilaterally
Reconciliation begins with us, no matter who started the fuss. Our natural reaction to conflict is to convince, convict (guilt), coerce (pressure), and control. But just as God forgives us in Christ, we are called to forgive one another. Christian love, agape, is a decision about how to treat another person regardless – often over and against – how we are feeling. Likewise, Christian forgiveness is a decision about how to think about a conflict and the other party involved, not just a feeling.
"Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." (Ephesians 4:32)
"That is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation." — 2 Corinthians 5:19 (ESV)
The posture of forgiveness is reflected in these four promises taken from “The Peacemaker” by Ken Sande:
- I will not dwell on this incident purposely.
- I will not bring up this incident again and use it against you.
- I will not talk to others about this incident, except to deal with my own baggage.
- I will not let this incident stand between us or hinder our relationship. I stand ready to reconcile with you.
2) Look Also to the Interests of Others
Reconciliation requires that we look beyond ourselves. Paul reminds us, "Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others." (Philippians 2:4)
Jesus is our ultimate example. He did not put himself first but laid down His life for the sake of reconciliation between us and God.
3) Overcome Evil with Good
Even when wronged, Christ calls us to respond with love, not retaliation. We can overcome conflict by choosing to do good and trusting God to bring healing.
"Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." (Romans 12:21)
"But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." (Matthew 5:44)
"Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them." (Romans 12:14)
You do not know what God is going to do through the love you display toward others in seeking to reconcile with them. Sometimes, reconciliation seems impossible, but our calling is to make every effort.
Practical Ways to Overcome with Good:
- Pray for those who have hurt you.
- Seek ways to bless rather than retaliate.
- Trust in God's justice and timing.
Matthew 18:15-17 – The Biblical Process of Reconciliation
Finally, “Go and be reconciled.” We’ve done a lot of personal spiritual work to get here.
- First, go yourself (and not just once). "If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother." — Matthew 18:15 (ESV)
Jesus calls us to be proactive in seeking reconciliation. Holding on to bitterness or waiting for the other person to make the first move is not His way.
- If needed, take one or two trusted Christians with you. "But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses." — Matthew 18:16 (ESV)
This is not about ganging up on someone but about seeking wisdom and accountability in the reconciliation process.
- If necessary, involve church leadership. "If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector." — Matthew 18:17 (ESV)
But even here, remember—how did Jesus treat tax collectors? He did not shun them. He pursued them with love, calling them to repentance and new life.
Final Encouragement
Jesus reminds us in Matthew 5:23-24 that reconciliation should be a priority even over religious acts of worship. "So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift."
If we are serious about following Jesus, we must take reconciliation seriously. It is a journey — sometimes long and difficult—but it is the way of Christ. And in the end, it is not about winning the fight or avoiding the conflict, but about living in the grace and peace that God has first given to us.
Next week, we will conclude this series, bringing it all together.