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When It’s Hard to Love, Here’s What Jesus Knew

Let’s be honest: some people are hard to love.

Sometimes it’s a slow burn — years of disappointment or unresolved tension. Other times it flares up quickly — one conversation, one wound, one betrayal. And sometimes the struggle to love isn’t about what someone did wrong. It’s just about our exhaustion, our weariness, our limits.

But then we hear Jesus say: “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” And if we’re paying attention, we feel that tug in our spirit.

How? And maybe more honestly: Why?

The world says love is a transaction. Give it to people who give it back. Spend it where it’s appreciated. Don’t waste it.

But Jesus never operated by those rules. His way of love seemed strange, even reckless. He washed the feet of people who would abandon him. He broke bread with someone who would betray him. He asked God to forgive the people who nailed him to a cross.

And then — he rose.

The resurrection doesn’t just prove Jesus was right. It reveals what’s real.

When Jesus says, “Take heart, I have overcome the world” (John 16:33), he’s not giving us a pep talk. He’s describing a new paradigm. He is showing us true, deep reality. Love is not weakness. Giving is not losing. Forgiving is wise and powerful. And death is not the end.

The Mask Comes Off

In the Mission Impossible movies, there’s often a moment where someone rips off a mask and everything changes. The person you thought was the villain is actually the hero. The person you trusted turns out to be the real threat. The whole situation flips.

That’s what the resurrection does. It pulls back the mask on the way things seem and reveals the way things are.

In time-travel movies, you see something similar. Someone comes back from the future and starts behaving in ways that appear completely irrational — investing in strange companies, warning people about things that haven’t happened yet, doing things no one understands. But that person isn’t crazy. She’s seen what’s coming. And based on what she knows, her decisions make perfect sense.

That’s what Jesus did. He saw the whole story.

And because of that, he could love in ways that didn’t make sense at the time. And now, on the other side of the resurrection, we can too.

Seeing with Resurrection Eyes

The resurrection reframes how we see people. It retrains our instincts. It reshapes our definition of what love is.

In 2 Corinthians 5:14, Paul says, “The love of Christ compels us.” Not fear. Not guilt. Not obligation. Love.

And not just sentimental love. Resurrection-rooted love.

That kind of love doesn’t ask, “Do they deserve it?” It asks, “What does love require of me?”

In therapy, one of the most powerful moments is when someone realizes they’ve been living by an old script — a belief formed in childhood, or in pain, or in shame. Something like: People always leave. I have to protect myself. I’m not worthy of kindness. The moment the old script is surfaced, it begins to lose its power. The person has achieved a breakthrough and life suddenly seems completely different.

The resurrection is like that. It tears up the old script.

Not: Protect yourself.
But: You’re already secure.
Not: Prove your worth.
But: You are deeply loved.

Jesus didn’t shame the disciples who failed him. He restored them. He didn’t keep score. He gave grace. And when he walked out of that tomb, he gave us permission to stop keeping score, too.

Ephesians 4:32 puts it plainly: “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

We don’t forgive because people deserve it. We forgive because we’ve been forgiven more than we could ever repay.

And when we forget that forgiveness or resist offering it to others, it eats at us. As it should. Reality has been revealed to us in the resurrection. It’s a single moment, but we continue for our entire lives to work out what it means for our lives and relationships.

The formation of the mind of Christ in us is a lifelong journey. 

Constant Course Corrections

The Apollo missions didn’t fly to the moon in a straight line. NASA knew from the start that the spacecraft would be off course more than on course. Gravity, solar winds, all kinds of unpredictable variables.

So, they planned for it.

They expected constant corrections.

That’s what a life of faith is like. We drift. We forget. We fall back into old scripts. But worship, prayer, Scripture, and community are how we realign.

Romans 12:2 says, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” That renewal isn’t instant. It’s slow. Daily. Intentional.

It’s like first responder training. Most people instinctively run away from danger. But through practice and discipline, a first responder learns to move toward the crisis. Not recklessly. But reflexively.

That’s what Jesus is forming in us. A new reflex.

Where love doesn’t feel heroic. It just feels obvious.

When Love Gets Real

Love that flows from the resurrection is both gracious and truthful. It doesn't avoid hard conversations, and it doesn't deliver truth like a weapon. It's rooted in kindness, but also in clarity. Jesus never lied to make people feel better. But he also never weaponized the truth to win an argument. He told the truth in a way that invited healing, not humiliation.

So, what does this look like on a Tuesday afternoon?

Maybe it’s the family member who keeps making jabs. Resurrection-shaped love doesn’t respond with sarcasm or silence. It speaks the truth, but with humility and grace. You say, “I care about our relationship. Can we talk about how we speak to each other?”

Maybe it’s a coworker who takes credit for your work. Love doesn't avoid the tension or explode in anger. It finds a way to be honest without being cruel. You speak the truth in grace: “Let’s make sure credit is shared fairly. I want to be transparent.”

Maybe it’s someone who won’t acknowledge the harm they’ve caused. Love doesn’t pretend there was no damage, and it doesn’t force reconciliation when the other person isn’t willing. But it stays open. It stays kind. You pray for them. You guard your heart from bitterness.

Reconciliation is about we and our relationship. But love is about me and how treat people.

Jesus calls us to love. Even when reconciliation isn’t possible. Even when it costs something.

And here’s what Jesus knew:

That kind of love — grounded in the resurrection — isn’t naive. It’s not foolish. It’s not wasted.

Love is the most reasonable thing in the world.

Jesus lived that way, asserting its truth. In Jesus’ worldview, love is the driving force and the central truth of existence.

It may have seemed foolish, but His resurrection shows he was right. And it reframes our world so that love becomes our goal and, increasingly, becomes our natural reaction in every situation.