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Resolving Conflict God’s Way – Week 2:
Getting the Log Out of Your Own Eye
This series, Resolving Conflict God’s Way, is all about helping you find peace of mind. Conflict has a way of stealing our sense of peace, leaving us anxious or angry, but God offers us a better way to approach it. By handling conflict with humility and grace, we can honor Him, build stronger relationships, and experience lasting peace. And, as a benefit, we will have peace of mind regardless of how the conflict resolves (or not).
Conflict is a fact of life. It’s unavoidable and it’s not necessarily a bad thing. As Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” Disagreements challenge us and help us grow. However, conflict can also be painful, unsettling, and even ruin relationships when it is not handled well.
Many of us default to one of two unhealthy patterns when conflict arises: attacking or avoiding. Some people act like turtles, withdrawing into their shells and pretending nothing is wrong. Other people are more like skunks, spraying their frustration everywhere. Neither approach leads to healing or resolution.
Here’s the problem: the desire to resolve conflict well may be in your heart, but godly conflict resolution is a learned skill. This series is designed to give you an overview of the skill of resolving conflict God’s way.
Last week, we discussed the first step in becoming a peacemaker: shifting your goal from winning the conflict to glorifying God. Today, we’ll explore the second step: Getting the log out of your own eye.
Why Start with Yourself?
Jesus’ teaching in Matthew 7:3–5 gives us clear guidance:
*"Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye." *
It’s easy to focus on what others have done wrong, but Jesus challenges us to examine ourselves first. Reconciliation begins with humility and self-awareness. This step is not about ignoring the faults of others — it’s about addressing your own faults before addressing theirs.
This approach also helps us set realistic goals. You can’t control another person’s behavior or responses, so don’t make full resolution your goal. But you can control how you handle the conflict. Make your goal — your definition of success — handling the conflict God’s way. Of course, your desire is full resolution and restoration of the relationship. But your goal should reflect how you handle the conflict. If you move toward the conflict with humility, grace, integrity, skill, and faith, you will preserve your piece of mind regardless of whether the conflict is resolved and the relationship restored.
Self-Examination Comes First
James 4:1–2 explains the root of many conflicts:
*"What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask."
At the heart of most conflicts is the simple truth that we want something and aren’t getting it. This could be respect, control, attention, or understanding. The first step in getting the log out of your own eye is to ask, “What did I want so badly that I contributed to or escalated this conflict?”
Reflecting on this question can be uncomfortable, but it’s crucial. Taking time to recognize how your own desires and actions played a role allows you to approach the conflict with clarity and humility. This doesn’t mean you excuse the other person’s behavior — it means you take responsibility for your part.
Confession Brings Healing
Once you’ve identified your role in the conflict, the next step is confession. 1 John 1:9 reminds us:
*"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." *
Confession brings healing. It restores our relationship with God and opens the door for reconciliation with others. Psalm 32:3–5 captures the power of confession beautifully:
*"For when I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer. I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not cover my iniquity; I said, 'I will confess my transgressions to the LORD,' and you forgave the iniquity of my sin. Selah" *
When we confess, we take responsibility for our actions, creating a foundation for healing and restoration. True confession involves more than just saying “sorry” — It’s about honestly acknowledging how we’ve contributed to the problem.
Humility Brings Freedom and Peace
Getting the log out of your own eye isn’t just about resolving the conflict — it’s about experiencing freedom and peace. Psalm 51:10–12 speaks to the joy that comes with a clean heart:
*"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit." *
When we approach conflict with humility, we let go of pride and defensiveness. This not only prepares our hearts for reconciliation but also brings a sense of peace that surpasses understanding.
Living Humility in a Proud World
Our culture often encourages pride and self-promotion, telling us to “look out for number one.” But Philippians 2:3–4 calls us to something different:
*"Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others." *
Living out humility is countercultural and challenging. Since the fall of Adam and Eve, pride has been part of human nature. But by relying on God’s grace, we can reflect His humility in our relationships.
Practical Steps to Get the Log Out
So how do you put this into practice? Here are some simple steps:
- Pause Before Reacting When emotions run high, take a moment to pray and ask God to show you the “log” in your own eye. A pause can make all the difference.
- Plan to Apologize First Even if your role in the conflict seems small, take the initiative to apologize. Scripture teaches that as followers of Christ, it is our responsibility to seek reconciliation—even when it feels unfair.
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Follow the Six A’s of Confession
- Acknowledge the hurt you caused.
- Admit specifically what you did wrong.
- Avoid using words like “if,” “but,” or “maybe” when apologizing.
- Ask for forgiveness.
- Accept the consequences of your actions.
- Alter your behavior moving forward.
- Trust God’s Grace As you take these steps, trust that God is working in your heart and relationships. Reconciliation may not happen overnight, but God’s grace is sufficient for every situation.
Conclusion
Conflict is inevitable, but how we handle it is a choice. By getting the log out of our own eye before we approach the person with whom we have a conflict, we reflect God’s character and open the door for peace and reconciliation. It’s not always easy, but it’s worth it — for our peace of mind, for our relationships, and most importantly, for the sake of Jesus Christ who came to Earth, died, and rose again to reconcile us to God.