Forgive Us Our Trespasses as We Forgive Those Who Trespass Against Us?
Amid life's complexities and challenges, the prayer that guides all other prayers is the one that Jesus taught us directly: the Lord's Prayer. Its words are not a mere formula to be recited but a profound journey into the heart of our relationship with the divine and with each other. Today, our focus is on the phrase: "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us."
You can’t tell me that’s not a scary thing to pray: Dear Father in Heaven, forgive me my sins just like I forgive everyone who sins against me. Forgive me the same way I forgive other people. Oof! That could be a punch in the gut. This phrase needs some unpacking to get at what we are praying.
Jesus Expects Us To Forgive Others
Jesus's teachings often challenge conventional wisdom, and his discourse with Peter exemplifies this. When asked about how many times to forgive someone who wrongs you (as many as seven times?), Jesus responds not with a set limit but with boundless mercy—seventy-seven times, signifying endless forgiveness.
Why would we forgive others without limit? That seems crazy. As a way of explaining why Jesus says to quit counting and just forgive, Jesus told the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant. (Matthew 18:23-35) In this story, a king forgives a servant forgiven a billion-dollar debt. Immediately afterward, that servant encounters another servant who owes him a few thousand dollars. The servant forgiven the billion-dollar debt refuses to forgive his fellow servant and has him thrown in prison. When the king hears about it, he is furious. He reinstates the billion-dollar debt. Further, the king has the man and his family sold into slavery and all his possessions sold to recoup some of the money he is owed. Jesus tells us that this is how our heavenly Father will treat us unless we forgive others from the heart.
But What If They Never Say They Are Sorry?
But what about those who never seek forgiveness or show remorse? The answer lies in distinguishing between forgiveness and reconciliation. Forgiveness is a personal choice, a relinquishing of the right to retaliate. Reconciliation is the restoration of the relationship, which requires the participation of all involved.
Forgiveness is about me. Reconciliation is about we.
Forgiveness doesn't negate accountability or condone wrongdoing; rather, it liberates the forgiver from the burden of bitterness. We’ll get more clarity on what exactly forgiveness is in a moment.
What Is Forgiveness?
There are several ways to look at the idea of forgiveness that doesn’t require interaction with the other person at all. Remember, forgiveness is your decision. It is your attitude about a wrong done to you. Let me offer you some definitions of forgiveness that might be helpful.
Forgiveness Is Giving Up Your Right to Get Even
Forgiveness can be seen as “Giving up your right to get even.” We live in a moral universe. Our sense of justice and balance is wired into our brains. If you hit me, I get to hit you back. If you cheat me, it is OK for me to cheat you back. Treat people like they treat you. Forgiveness is putting aside that moral right to get even. Forgiveness is decided that thought it would be reasonable — and even right — to get back at someone in some way for the way they wronged you, you are not going to do it. What does that look like specifically? We’ll get to that in a moment.
Forgiveness Is Being Open to Reconciliation
Forgiveness can be seen as “Openness to reconciliation.” If you are open to talking with the other person and working to restore the relationship, chances are good that you have an attitude of forgiveness already in your heart. Remember,
Forgiveness is me. Reconciliation is we.
It’s important to acknowledge that some hurts are deep and difficult to forgive. It can be painful to forgive. Having difficulty forgiving is quite different than refusing to forgive. As Dr. Jeffrey Gibbs, professor emeritus at Concordia Seminary, St. Louis, writes, “There is an important spiritual distinction between finding it hard (or even for a time, being unable) to forgive and being unwilling to do so.” If you are struggling to forgive, keep praying about it, asking God to mold your heart to be like Christ’s. Struggling to follow Christ is still following Christ. However, if you are refusing to forgive, that is the sin within your heart and becomes a matter of confession. The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant makes it clear that the follower of Jesus Christ has no place in refusing to forgive others.
The Four Promises of Forgiveness
Peacemaker ministries gives some very practical advice on forgiving others. Forgiveness can be defined by four simple commitments:
- “I will not dwell on this incident.”
- “I will not bring up this incident again and use it against you.”
- “I will not talk to others about this incident.”
- “I will not let this incident stand between us or hinder our personal
These promises reflect a profound shift in attitude, fostering healing and reconciliation. While forgiveness may not come easily, it's a transformative journey toward your own wholeness by following Jesus Christ.
There are a couple of caveats that need to be addressed.
Number three — not talking to others about the incident — is about gossiping or spreading bad will. It does not include healing conversations in which you recognize your duty to forgive and are talking about the trouble you are having. That is the kind of conversation you can have with a pastor or mental health counselor and it is really about you and your response to the incident.
Number four — not letting the incident stand between you — is about openness to reconciliation. It's about not holding onto the hurt. The incident is history and if you are going to be a peacemaker, you will not let the incident stand between you. However, a person’s refusal to deal with the incident is an ongoing issue. Number four is not saying that the incident didn’t happen. It’s saying that the incident will not stand between you as a barrier to reconciliation when both parties are seeking to make things right.
Our Forgiving Others Grows out of God Forgiving Us
Forgiveness isn't solely a human endeavor; it mirrors and follows the divine grace bestowed upon us. The sequence is vital to our Christian growth: God's forgiveness precedes ours, exemplifying unconditional love and mercy. As Paul wrote to the Christians in Rome:
“God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” — Romans 5:8 (ESV)
However, as the Apostle Paul writes, God’s forgiveness is not a license for complacency but an invitation to repentance and transformation.
“Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?” — Romans 2:4 (ESV)
Forgiveness Is the Path to Wholeness
We acknowledge our sin before God and receive his forgiveness through Jesus Christ. Compelled by the grace given to us, we live with that same grace toward others. As we live with grace toward others, we find spiritual freedom and the peace that Jesus promises.
When we pray, “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us,” we are telling God, “We’ll take the deal!” God forgives us and expects us to treat others with the same grace. The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant and the wording of the Lord’s Prayer make it clear that this is no small matter. God is no one to be trifled with.
So, as we pray the Lord’s Prayer, we can reflect on any lack of forgiveness we are harboring in our hearts and confess that as our own sin that needs forgiving. We are renewed in God’s forgiveness and ask that He would enable us to forgive others as He has forgiven us.
“We’ll take the deal! It’s too good to pass up! Help me forgive others like you have forgiven me and show me where I am not forgiving others.”
Much grace and peace to you!
